Happy New Year

Dear Colleague,

Well, well.  Happy New Year.  Need a Bromo this morning?

As ever,

Your Colleague

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Congratulations!

Irish boy

Dear Colleague,

You’re retired a year already!  Things I don’t miss about you:

  1. Your disrespect of me.
  2. Your disrespect of my spouse.
  3. Your constant haranguing me on not eating that crap pizza you bring from Sam’s.
  4. Your spreading germs on my phone when you should use your own phone when your obviously sick.
  5. Your disgusting piggish attitude that you think you’re superior.
  6. Your lies to me.
  7. Your sneaking ways of sabotaging people at the office.
  8. Your phoniness.
  9. Your smart alecky grandson Wilson.
  10. Your gross incompetence.

Sincerely,

Your (former) Colleague

Danny Boy

Irish boy

Dear Colleague,

Here it is, another morning, and your loud voice is carrying over to my office.
Today, your expert knowledge surrounds the topic of people in Ireland do not have the foggiest idea what the song “Danny Boy” or its melody is.

That’s pretty telling on your part, given that, well, an old Irish melody (“Londonderry Aire”) whose words were written into a ballad by an Englishman.

Care to share any more expertise you have, Mister Know-It-All?

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Making Ends Meet

money

Dear Colleague,

All day long in the break room you guys whine about not making enough money.

Why not sell your mobile mansions or your boats? That’d give you a little extra cash until you buy another BMW.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

 

Who Ties Your Shoes?

ohboy

Dear Colleague,

It makes me laugh when you guys can’t figure out how to find work-related information on the Intranet, but you sure know how to surf in the Internet for your personal business.

Who helps you tie your shoes before you leave for work?

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Excuse You.

Irish boyDear Colleague,

Were you brought up to loudly belch in public and not excuse yourself?  Do you know how disgusting that sounds when people are in their offices working?

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Pay Attention!

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Dear Colleague,

I couldn’t tell you how many times (a million times?) you people at the office would ask if I saw such-and-such television commercial or some such-and-such sitcom the other night. Each time I would respond with, “I don’t watch TV, and I haven’t owned a TV for 7 years,” and each time their response was like the first time they learned that (although I know I told them each and EVERY time).

Then would come the same question: “If you don’t have TV, what do you do with all your time?”

Seriously.

Your Colleague

Same Lame Jokes

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Dear Colleague,

Then what became an eye-opener for me was the realization that at each place I worked within the same company, the same lame, dumb, stupid jokes were same ones I heard when I first started working at the company forty-odd years before. No kidding! The same jokes. By the time I was working at my last job there, I realized that the only logical thing was that those jokes and one-liners were created by Orville and Wilbur Wright over a century ago, and they were passed along down through the decades like some type of sick tribute. What I heard the first time in 1977 (giggle, giggle) was verbatim what I heard in 2017 (eye roll and sigh).

Seriously.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Tsk Tsk

sl

Dear Colleague,

I laughed when you almost fell off your slutty high heeled shoes today in the hall.  Good thing the wall was there to catch you.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

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