Excuse You.

Irish boyDear Colleague,

Were you brought up to loudly belch in public and not excuse yourself?  Do you know how disgusting that sounds when people are in their offices working?

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

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What’s the Dope. Prozac Pete?

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Dear Colleague,

You seem so “out of it” when you’re talking with people around the office.  No emotion.  No body movement.  No facial signals.

Are you that doped up, or what’s your story?

Sincerely,

You Colleague

 

Same Lame Jokes

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Dear Colleague,

Then what became an eye-opener for me was the realization that at each place I worked within the same company, the same lame, dumb, stupid jokes were same ones I heard when I first started working at the company forty-odd years before. No kidding! The same jokes. By the time I was working at my last job there, I realized that the only logical thing was that those jokes and one-liners were created by Orville and Wilbur Wright over a century ago, and they were passed along down through the decades like some type of sick tribute. What I heard the first time in 1977 (giggle, giggle) was verbatim what I heard in 2017 (eye roll and sigh).

Seriously.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Are You on Facebook?

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Dear Colleague,

Oftentimes, people at the office find it incredible – weird, too – that I don’t do Facebook, nor any of those types of social media. Many, many times I tell them that.

And every single time their response was “Oh, my god,” as they looked wide-eyed at me, their jaws open and dragging on the floor. “How do you keep in touch with people?” they ask me.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Pay Attention!

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Dear Colleague,

I couldn’t tell you how many times (a million times?) you people at the office would ask if I saw such-and-such television commercial or some such-and-such sitcom the other night. Each time I would respond with, “I don’t watch TV, and I haven’t owned a TV for 7 years,” and each time their response was like the first time they learned that (although I know I told them each and EVERY time).

Then would come the same question: “If you don’t have TV, what do you do with all your time?”

Seriously.

Your Colleague

Mumbles

Irish boyDear Colleague,

It’s so difficult to understand what you’re saying.  Maybe if you move your lips and learn to enunciate, and stop putting on that heavy over-the-top good ol’ boy accent, people wouldn’t have to keep asking you “what’d you say?”

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Tuna Salad

shakinghandsDear Colleague,

I decided to grab a sandwich at the café today. All I wanted was a simple tuna salad on wheat.

Just because you think I’m “too skinny” doesn’t give you the right to give me double the amount of tuna salad on my sandwich.

It’s a shame I had to throw out half the sandwich. I really shouldn’t have even bought it to begin with.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Grease Ball

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Dear Colleague:

Not exactly sure, but it’s becoming more apparent you have a nasty streak.  A passive-aggressive nasty streak.  No matter how many times I tell you, no thank you I don’t eat pizza, you consistently tell me there’s pizza in the kitchen for me.  And if that isn’t enough, you purposely saunter s-l-o-w-l-y by my office, noisily slobbering up a slice of hot pizza.

Funny thing is, did you notice the grease dripping on your hand?

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

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