Grease Ball

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Dear Colleague:

Not exactly sure, but it’s becoming more apparent you have a nasty streak.  A passive-aggressive nasty streak.  No matter how many times I tell you, no thank you I don’t eat pizza, you consistently tell me there’s pizza in the kitchen for me.  And if that isn’t enough, you purposely saunter s-l-o-w-l-y by my office, noisily slobbering up a slice of hot pizza.

Funny thing is, did you notice the grease dripping on your hand?

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

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Dear Colleagues,

We really don’t have a lot in common, except for working at the same company.

I’m just not into obsessing over food, makeup, kids, nor getting drunk over weekends. Using the f**k word in various forms as if it’s a contest doesn’t cut it for me, either.

With so many other topics and interests to talk about – oh, wait —.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

Dear Colleagues,

When I first came to work, I took my homemade lunch into the kitchen, sat down at a table, and cracked open a book. Others did the same. It was my only time for solitude during the day, and I looked forward to it. This lasted about eight months.

But, no Bug Cheese (a.k.a. Señor Jefé) made it a point every time I sat in the kitchen to read to interrupt me with work topics that weren’t time critical for the moment. It was stuff that could have waited, sent via an email, or not mentioned at all.

I don’t know what his problem was, but he made it so bad for me by interrupting me on my own time, that I started going to the park to eat, or to just eat in my office.

Creep.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Public Phone Call

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Dear Colleague,

Your loud talking caught my attention. This morning, you were walking past my office, and down the hall past other offices. You made a U-turn and walked back, wandering outside and back again. You kept roaming the hall and the reception area while loudly talking to someone on your phone.

We don’t need to hear your one-sided monologue. After all, you do have a private office where you can close your door and talk in private. Do you know that?

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleagues,

It’s something I cannot pinpoint, but it is there.

I never felt a part of the work team, nor a part of anything there at the office.

Sure, some of you invited me to parties and lunches, and early on I accepted. But you all just talked about your job and about people I never heard of. I was the Token One.

I was never brought up to speed or into the fold. So, I stopped accepting invitations.

I never felt I could use the coffee maker. (I did once or twice, and the kitchen fell silent while I brewed a cup or two.) I never felt it was OK for me to use the microwave ovens, nor the refrigerators.

You made me feel all that belonged to you, and to you only.

That’s part of the reason I don’t venture into the kitchen much any more.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleague,

Do you wonder why I stop talking with you when you’re in my office to ask a question, and you are mightily engrossed in your smartphone?

Are you afraid to look at a person?

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

Dear Colleague,

You mentioned a television show to me, and I said (again, as many times before) that I don’t own nor watch television.

You (again) acted surprised.

Then you called me, “Weird,” and walked away.

Since when is it a requirement to own or watch television? I’ve other interests, if you recall.

What a small, arrogant man you are, Señor Jefé, a,k,a, Bug Cheese.

Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleague,

Well, Señor Jefé, when I began working, you tried to make me comfortable in this new town. I’ll give you that.

About two months into my tenure and every Friday around 3 o’clock, you’d routinely plop – PLOP!—yourself down in my office chair and blurt, “So, what are we doing tonight for Date Night?”

Thank goodness for you I guessed you didn’t mean you and me, but rather, my spouse and I.

Yeah, I played along at first, letting you know where we were going to eat or what activity we might do that evening. Then it got to be way too much and uncomfortable for me.

I don’t mind sharing some of the things I do outside of work, but you were becoming much too nosey. If you had any inclination to listen to me – really listen – you’d find that I cherish my private time outside of work and like to keep most of it between my spouse, my family, and my friends, AND that I like to do much, much more that eating. Oh, so much more than eating! But then, you seem to have an obsession with eating.

Your loss, Señor Jefé.

Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

Sexual Harassment.

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Dear Colleagues,

What gives y’all the right to talk to me or anyone else in the office, for that matter, on things of a sexual nature?  Wasn’t there a big clean-up and sensitivity classes for pigs like you?  And what if your wives and live-in girlfriends knew how filthy you talk to the women in the office?

Looks like you didn’t learn.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

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