What’s the Dope. Prozac Pete?

smoking

Dear Colleague,

You seem so “out of it” when you’re talking with people around the office.  No emotion.  No body movement.  No facial signals.

Are you that doped up, or what’s your story?

Sincerely,

You Colleague

 

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Same Lame Jokes

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Dear Colleague,

Then what became an eye-opener for me was the realization that at each place I worked within the same company, the same lame, dumb, stupid jokes were same ones I heard when I first started working at the company forty-odd years before. No kidding! The same jokes. By the time I was working at my last job there, I realized that the only logical thing was that those jokes and one-liners were created by Orville and Wilbur Wright over a century ago, and they were passed along down through the decades like some type of sick tribute. What I heard the first time in 1977 (giggle, giggle) was verbatim what I heard in 2017 (eye roll and sigh).

Seriously.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Are You on Facebook?

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Dear Colleague,

Oftentimes, people at the office find it incredible – weird, too – that I don’t do Facebook, nor any of those types of social media. Many, many times I tell them that.

And every single time their response was “Oh, my god,” as they looked wide-eyed at me, their jaws open and dragging on the floor. “How do you keep in touch with people?” they ask me.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Mumbles

Irish boyDear Colleague,

It’s so difficult to understand what you’re saying.  Maybe if you move your lips and learn to enunciate, and stop putting on that heavy over-the-top good ol’ boy accent, people wouldn’t have to keep asking you “what’d you say?”

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Dear Colleagues,

When I first came to work, I took my homemade lunch into the kitchen, sat down at a table, and cracked open a book. Others did the same. It was my only time for solitude during the day, and I looked forward to it. This lasted about eight months.

But, no Bug Cheese (a.k.a. Señor Jefé) made it a point every time I sat in the kitchen to read to interrupt me with work topics that weren’t time critical for the moment. It was stuff that could have waited, sent via an email, or not mentioned at all.

I don’t know what his problem was, but he made it so bad for me by interrupting me on my own time, that I started going to the park to eat, or to just eat in my office.

Creep.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

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Dear Colleagues,

One summer day – and it was just one time – Bug Cheese’s (a.k.a. Señor Jefé) wife called me for a favor.

She said she wanted to give her old man balloons and a plate of Rice Krispies Treats for his birthday that day, and “would I be kind enough to meet her at the door, take them from her, and give it to him personally?”

Hell, no.

When she showed up, I convinced her (after a bunch of convincing) to walk over to Bug Cheese’s office so she could bestow all the love and birthday wishes on him, her husband.

It’d be a cold day in Hell that I would give him balloons and Rice Krispies treats as a surrogate from his wife.

That is not my job.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

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Dear Colleagues,

It’s something I cannot pinpoint, but it is there.

I never felt a part of the work team, nor a part of anything there at the office.

Sure, some of you invited me to parties and lunches, and early on I accepted. But you all just talked about your job and about people I never heard of. I was the Token One.

I was never brought up to speed or into the fold. So, I stopped accepting invitations.

I never felt I could use the coffee maker. (I did once or twice, and the kitchen fell silent while I brewed a cup or two.) I never felt it was OK for me to use the microwave ovens, nor the refrigerators.

You made me feel all that belonged to you, and to you only.

That’s part of the reason I don’t venture into the kitchen much any more.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleagues,

We really don’t have a lot in common, except for working at the same company.

I’m just not into obsessing over food, makeup, kids, nor getting drunk over weekends. Using the f**k word in various forms as if it’s a contest doesn’t cut it for me, either.

With so many other topics and interests to talk about – oh, wait —.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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