download (2)

Dear Colleague,

I’d rather work in a zoo rather than to listen to you belch loudly and pass gas energetically and pungently.

The cubicles are not that private, you see.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

Advertisements

cropped-man_with_dictaphone_from_tom_cameron_om.jpgDear Colleagues,

It was hilarious to watch you fall all over yourselves when the congressman, congressional aides, and mayor came for meetings over the years.

What was even funnier is how you all shook hands at the door, and summarily marched past my desk – I was right there! – and you expressed the ultimate in rudeness by NOT introducing me at all. But you did go out of your way to make introductions to the rest of the staff.

Still, it does make me laugh to this day on how funny it was to see you all practically have an orgasm with these “important” people.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

images (1)

Dear Colleague,

By the time I saw that you were getting too chummy with asking details about my dates with my spouse and where I lived, and my life outside the office, I cooled the sharing-information thing. As you remember, by the end of the first year of my employment – and you kept plopping yourself down in my office at 3 o’clock each Friday afternoon – I would change the subject to work-related issues.

I thought that would solve my problems with you.

But you added a new problem: You began to take me off emails and keep me in the dark about office procedures and new personnel. Yeah – you thought you were such a big man to make sure that since I didn’t share my private life, that you would not share important business information.

What a small man you are, Señor Jefé, a,k,a, Bug Cheese.

Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

download

Dear Colleague,

When I first came to work, we had a “get acquainted” chit chat in my office each day for almost a year, on your terms.

Once, I mentioned that I knew Spanish. Wouldn’t you know – you showed off your Spanish speaking skills the next day with someone at the office. But I could tell you weren’t the fluent speaker you tried to lead me to believe. That l-o-n-g hesitation while you thought up the words was telling.

So you lived and worked in Puerto Rico once. They do speak English there; and in your line of work, Spanish would not have been primary.

You don’t have to impress me. You just need to do your job. ? Tu comprendes, Señor Jefé ?
Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

Mumbles

Irish boyDear Colleague,

It’s so difficult to understand what you’re saying.  Maybe if you move your lips and learn to enunciate, and stop putting on that heavy over-the-top good ol’ boy accent, people wouldn’t have to keep asking you “what’d you say?”

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Mommy!

Car

Dear Colleague,

You know, it’s sad that your mommy has to make all of her friends with your friends.  At work.  On Facebook.  Christmas luncheons.  Office birthday parties.

That poor old woman.  She seems to not make friends her own age.  Sad.  Pathetic.

And that, a woman who supposedly was a gangster’s girlfriend back in the day.  Wow.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

Obsession About Eating

Automatic Lunch

Dear Colleague,

I’m trying to figure out why you seem so obsessed about my eating habits.
I’ve said innumerable times I don’t care to eat out, I don’t eat pizza, and my eating schedule and habits are my own business.

Yet, you continually push, push, push that I need to eat, eat, eat, even though you said you know what I said to you.

I don’t think so. Or are you that dense?

Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

download-1.jpg

 

Dear Colleague,

I didn’t mind sharing the news with you that I bought a house. I was happy about it. You asked where it was, I mentioned the cross streets, and that was that.

A couple of days later, you proudly told me that you rode your (pseudo) motorcycle to my house, and said that now you “knew where I live.”

Oh, yes, you nailed the right house, because the for sale sign was still up.

That really scared me and, of course, I told my spouse. Never in my career had a co-worker or supervisor blatantly tell me he made it a point to physically check out where I lived.

This is about the time, coupled with the twenty questions about my date nights with my spouse that I knew you had a screw loose.

Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

Make Up and Your Bank Account

makeup

Dear Colleague,

So, this morning you were saying that you love selling makeup because your customers use it, then it gets washed down the sink, so they need to buy more, and more, and more. And so it goes.

Wow. And your reasoning is that their money is dispensable, so you’ll always have orders to fill and money to put in your bank account.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

 

 

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: