Dear Colleagues,

Can you tell me why you think I’m kidding when I tell you that I despise my job?

Just because you’re under the false impress that you all have some glamor job, that I should be thrilled to settle in a job where I am overqualified and I was hired unsuitably. (That says a lot about the impotent management, doesn’t it?)

I am disrespected. I am not taken seriously. I am the only one in the office with a different category of work, and work that turned out to not be what I was trained for.

Yeah – I hate my simpleton job in Yodel-O Land.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleague,

It must be awfully hard work to constantly be “on.”

You know, you’re always cracking jokes, constantly laughing, eternally pulling pranks.

It’s surreal. If only you’d put that much work into actually doing your job.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleagues,

We really don’t have a lot in common, except for working at the same company.

I’m just not into obsessing over food, makeup, kids, nor getting drunk over weekends. Using the f**k word in various forms as if it’s a contest doesn’t cut it for me, either.

With so many other topics and interests to talk about – oh, wait —.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

Dear Colleagues,

It was hilarious to watch you fall all over yourselves when the congressman, congressional aides, and mayor came for meetings over the years.

What was even funnier is how you all shook hands at the door, and summarily marched past my desk – I was right there! – and you expressed the ultimate in rudeness by NOT introducing me at all. But you did go out of your way to make introductions to the rest of the staff.

Still, it does make me laugh to this day on how funny it was to see you all practically have an orgasm with these “important” people.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

Dear Colleague,

I didn’t realize until today that you are the epitome of High Society.

You’re too busy talking on your smartphone or too high flatulent to drag out your gate pass from your wallet on your own and open the gate to the office park. Instead, you continue to chat on your phone or look straight ahead, waiting for someone else to remotely open the security gate.

Entre vous, Your Highness.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleague,

Do you wonder why I stop talking with you when you’re in my office to ask a question, and you are mightily engrossed in your smartphone?

Are you afraid to look at a person?

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleague,

I’d rather work in a zoo rather than to listen to you belch loudly and pass gas energetically and pungently.

The cubicles are not that private, you see.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

Dear Colleague,

You mentioned a television show to me, and I said (again, as many times before) that I don’t own nor watch television.

You (again) acted surprised.

Then you called me, “Weird,” and walked away.

Since when is it a requirement to own or watch television? I’ve other interests, if you recall.

What a small, arrogant man you are, Señor Jefé, a,k,a, Bug Cheese.

Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleague,

By the time I saw that you were getting too chummy with asking details about my dates with my spouse and where I lived, and my life outside the office, I cooled the sharing-information thing. As you remember, by the end of the first year of my employment – and you kept plopping yourself down in my office at 3 o’clock each Friday afternoon – I would change the subject to work-related issues.

I thought that would solve my problems with you.

But you added a new problem: You began to take me off emails and keep me in the dark about office procedures and new personnel. Yeah – you thought you were such a big man to make sure that since I didn’t share my private life, that you would not share important business information.

What a small man you are, Señor Jefé, a,k,a, Bug Cheese.

Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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