Dear Colleagues,

It was hilarious to watch you fall all over yourselves when the congressman, congressional aides, and mayor came for meetings over the years.

What was even funnier is how you all shook hands at the door, and summarily marched past my desk – I was right there! – and you expressed the ultimate in rudeness by NOT introducing me at all. But you did go out of your way to make introductions to the rest of the staff.

Still, it does make me laugh to this day on how funny it was to see you all practically have an orgasm with these “important” people.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

Dear Colleague,

I didn’t realize until today that you are the epitome of High Society.

You’re too busy talking on your smartphone or too high flatulent to drag out your gate pass from your wallet on your own and open the gate to the office park. Instead, you continue to chat on your phone or look straight ahead, waiting for someone else to remotely open the security gate.

Entre vous, Your Highness.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleague,

Do you wonder why I stop talking with you when you’re in my office to ask a question, and you are mightily engrossed in your smartphone?

Are you afraid to look at a person?

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleague,

I’d rather work in a zoo rather than to listen to you belch loudly and pass gas energetically and pungently.

The cubicles are not that private, you see.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

Dear Colleague,

You mentioned a television show to me, and I said (again, as many times before) that I don’t own nor watch television.

You (again) acted surprised.

Then you called me, “Weird,” and walked away.

Since when is it a requirement to own or watch television? I’ve other interests, if you recall.

What a small, arrogant man you are, Señor Jefé, a,k,a, Bug Cheese.

Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleague,

By the time I saw that you were getting too chummy with asking details about my dates with my spouse and where I lived, and my life outside the office, I cooled the sharing-information thing. As you remember, by the end of the first year of my employment – and you kept plopping yourself down in my office at 3 o’clock each Friday afternoon – I would change the subject to work-related issues.

I thought that would solve my problems with you.

But you added a new problem: You began to take me off emails and keep me in the dark about office procedures and new personnel. Yeah – you thought you were such a big man to make sure that since I didn’t share my private life, that you would not share important business information.

What a small man you are, Señor Jefé, a,k,a, Bug Cheese.

Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleague,

I didn’t mind sharing the news with you that I bought a house. I was happy about it. You asked where it was, I mentioned the cross streets, and that was that.

A couple of days later, you proudly told me that you rode your (pseudo) motorcycle to my house, and said that now you “knew where I live.”

Oh, yes, you nailed the right house, because the for sale sign was still up.

That really scared me and, of course, I told my spouse. Never in my career had a co-worker or supervisor blatantly tell me he made it a point to physically check out where I lived.

This is about the time, coupled with the twenty questions about my date nights with my spouse that I knew you had a screw loose.

Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Colleague,

Well, Señor Jefé, when I began working, you tried to make me comfortable in this new town. I’ll give you that.

About two months into my tenure and every Friday around 3 o’clock, you’d routinely plop – PLOP!—yourself down in my office chair and blurt, “So, what are we doing tonight for Date Night?”

Thank goodness for you I guessed you didn’t mean you and me, but rather, my spouse and I.

Yeah, I played along at first, letting you know where we were going to eat or what activity we might do that evening. Then it got to be way too much and uncomfortable for me.

I don’t mind sharing some of the things I do outside of work, but you were becoming much too nosey. If you had any inclination to listen to me – really listen – you’d find that I cherish my private time outside of work and like to keep most of it between my spouse, my family, and my friends, AND that I like to do much, much more that eating. Oh, so much more than eating! But then, you seem to have an obsession with eating.

Your loss, Señor Jefé.

Sincerely,

Your Assistant

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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Dear Female Colleagues,

Your voices carry very well to my office through the halls.

I can hear every vulgarity and swear word(s) that float to my ears and hit with such force, that I wince.

I’ll say this – you really have used F**K! and every form of it with brilliant creativity.

And it’s really unbecoming in a so-called “professional” office.

Sincerely,

Your Colleague

©Dear Colleague and all works within.

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